Becoming a Friend

Part 8 of “The Escort Hiring Guide”

So there are different levels of friendships. You can have mutual respect for each other, and like each other enough to want to get to know each other, and then connect over common interests, etc. That will be completely possible with most escorts.

It’s easy to assume that an escort is just being nice because he has to. Clients have often said to me, “you have to say that”, when I have said nice things. Be open-minded that an escort could genuinely like you on a personal level. If they are chatting casually between meets, then that is the most obvious proof. And if they are opening up to you about themselves beyond small talk, that is a good sign. As well as if they are trying to get to know you better with obvious enthusiasm.

Be aware if the friendship stops being reciprocated

When you like someone, it is easy to not notice when you are being more friendly to them than they want you to be. I.e. the level of friendship you want, is not wanted by the other person. You will imagine up reasons why the person isn’t being as friendly as you want, and you will be trying to figure out how to make them like you more / connect with you more.

In normal life, if someone is more eager to be friends with you than you want them to be, you just deflect them to give them a hint.

With escorts though, it’s much harder for them to give you hints that they want you to cool off. The whole point of escorting is that you pay them to give you a good time. They won’t want to offend you by telling you about the ways you are being overbearing. Because they would risk losing a client, and they won’t want to make you feel bad, especially if it’s clear you like them a lot and you depend on them emotionally. 

The escort may let things slide as being part of the job. But he will be feeling uncomfortable, especially if things keep progressing.

So it’s super important to only get as attached to him, as he is to you, and stay aware of ways you might be pushing boundaries. 

It’s easy to get feelings hurt if you start to hope for too much of a relationship with an escort.

A side note: Keep in mind that many escorts have hectic lifestyles, and while they will hopefully be professional when you want to book a meet, outside of meets they might have a lot of things going on that they don’t tell you about. So while they are super chatty and friendly for a period of time, at other times they might be distant and hard to talk to. Just remember, it’s not always personal.

I’ll describe how you could become ‘too much’ for an escort.

You could become too pushy, too intense, too personal, etc, without realising. The individual ways you are getting close to an escort might not be a problem for him, but it’s when it’s all combined that it can get overbearing.

A lot of this is common sense. But when you like someone a lot, common sense is often overruled by our evolved instincts to get close to the people we like, for mating and safety reasons. Deep.

An example – You could be commenting on all his social media posts. He will notice this especially if there are very few other comments. Commenting on everything will become noticed by other people too, and you will be thought of as a big fan, which will attach yourself to him in the minds of other people… Adding intensity for him. And if you are commenting on posts where there are very few comments, you define the response to that post, and so it can feel for him like the post was mainly for you… adding to how personal things are getting. If you aren’t getting replies, but are still commenting on each post… we’re getting pushy. Definitely too much. 

If he is replying to all your comments, then it might not be too much for him. If you stop getting replies though, drastically reduce your comments.

Another thing you could be doing on social media is forwarding posts or Twitter users to him you think he will like. By doing this, as well as commenting on everything, you are integrating yourself with their complete social media use.

Linking from that – If he goes on to meet someone from a Twitter profile you showed him, the butterfly effect of that will be caused by you. You will likely want to highlight that to him,  which massively reinforces your involvement.

Away from social media, you could be commenting to them about everything they do in general life, and showing you are deeply analysing what they do. You are associating yourself to everything you notice he does. This is just being friendly, and in spurts it’s just small talk. Again though, the issue is the bigger picture, which includes every other way you are associating yourself to him.

Keep in mind, that in real life, if someone is commenting on everything you do, then it’s because you are best friends / close family, and it reciprocated. There aren’t many people who get that close.

You might also be buying him lots of gifts. If you are someone who has passed into being too personal, like in the examples above, the gifts stop being just gifts. They are links to somebody who is getting uncomfortably overbearing. And then if you keep mentioning the things you have brought him, this ramps up that intensity massively. He will stop appreciating the gifts in this situation. It will be impossible for him to ask you to stop buying him gifts without offending you. And if you are often buying from wishlists online, he will want to stop putting things on that wishlist.

You see how from that example, it can become a massive issue for an escort.

Note: You don’t need to worry about your gifts being appreciated, unless you are absolutely convinced that you have got too personal with an escort, like in the ways above. It’s only when the escort takes a step back that you need to become cautious.

If you think you have become ‘too much’

Don’t be embarrassed. The escort will know that you will only have good intentions and there likely won’t be hard feelings. We all make mistakes.

And don’t take offence. It’s rarely personal that a person has limits to how close they want to get to people. They might just be very private, introverted, or independant people. Or they might have parts of their lives they don’t want to mix with escorting.

The problem could easily be fixed

If you ever think you’ve pushed his boundaries, don’t ask him about it! Don’t bring up the issue in any way at all. Because this is stupidly awkward, especially if you show heartache!!!

Showing heartache, will put a massively tiring emotional pressure on him. He will very likely react by thinking, “fuck this shit, I can’t be arsed”, and just block you.

It’s brutal, but that’s life, we are all just trying to be happy, and we all have different tolerance levels at different times for people who are having a negative effect on our mood.

Be super careful to avoid creating awkwardness

A way to fix the issue would be to completely take a break from interacting for a while, probably months, maybe even a year – depending on how far you think you’ve pushed things too far.

The time will allow you to recover from any disappointment, and reduce the amount he is in your thoughts.

Maybe you could meet other escorts in this time.

The escort probably won’t message you, because it’s not professional, and he might just think you don’t want to meet anymore.

After the cool off period, if you still want to meet him, you can try to start fresh.

Try to make it clear to him that you are starting fresh, rather than just resuming where you left off.

He will be cautious, and might not meet again if he senses things will be the same as before.

Is it worth fixing though?

If you think the escort has been very distant, beyond what you think is even reasonable, to the point you consider rude, then you should think about not meeting them anymore. Or you should remove your focus on the personal friendship, and instead focus on the sex. That word was a shock to write. We almost forgot sex exists at this point. Maybe the focus on just the sex will be as refreshing in real life.

If you like someone though, it is hard not to be disappointed that there are limits to how close they want you to get. If you stay disappointed, it will have a negative effect on your general mood, and it won’t be healthy. 

This is about you being happy too, so good luck if you ever struggle with this.

Hold on. There is a whole other side…

An escort can become more eager than you expect/want

Some escorts might contact you asking if you want to book them. This is super unprofessional, and could indicate that the escort is desperate for work, perhaps for drug money. No matter how much you like them, be cautious with them, because this desperation could lead to theft or worse.

Potentially though, an escort will message you because they are into you, which I’ll talk about later.

Before that though, we need to be aware of sociopaths.

A Warning About Sociopaths >

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